Unconventional
by asteriskjam
Summary: He's mean. She's violent. And they're...dating? What. The. Hell. [SasuSaku] [Oneshot]


**Unconventional  
By: asteriskjam**

**A/N: Naruto IS MINE, OHMIGAWSH it's miiiiiinnnnneeeeeee and NONE OF YOU. YOU or YOU or YOU or YOU can STOP meeeee—**

**-is shot-**

XxX 

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Hn."

"Good Morning!"

"Hn."

"Jerk! At least have the decency to respond in the like!"

"…_Hn_."

(punch. slam. F--K!)

"Good morning, Sakura."

"There! Now you're acting like a regular Konoha citizen! …Not your usual 'I'm a semi-emo-goth Avenger."

"…Dobe's idiocy has rubbed off on you."

(smile) "As long as you're not in 'I'm Angst-slash-Brooding so BACK THE HELL OFF' mode, then I'm peachy with you're sarcasm."

"…Annoying."

"Ever the charmer, aren't you Sasuke-kun?"

"Shut up."

"Make me."

(glare)

"No need to stare at me so intently, Sasuke-kun. A kiss will suffice."

"You're stupid, you know that?"

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"..._Stupid_."

"Have breakfast with me, Sasuke-kun!"

"Hn."

(knuckles crack)

"…Fine."

"Great! I know this pancake stand down the street…"

"Whatever."

"Isn't such a beautiful day, Sasuke-kun? Come! Link arms with me and let us gallivant!"

"…_No_. The _hell_ have you been smoking?"

"Tou-_chy_. Lighten up will you? Smile a little?"

"There's nothing to smile about."

"Hey! What about the fact that you're with _me_? "

"…_And_?"

(punch. slam. crack. more censored curses.)

"Sasuke! Your glaring is totally driving people off! Look at that kid! He's crying, Sasuke-kun! _Crying_!"

"_I'm_ driving people off? You're the one throwing around these _monst_—(twitch)…catching peoples' attention."

"Just let them look."

"…I don't _like_ being looked at."

"But you're _so cute_!"

"Don't use me in the same context as _cute_. Ever."

"Fine then. You, majestic young shinobi, you. Better?"

"…I'm leaving you behind."

"Ayah, Sasuke!"

"Shut up. Let's go."

"Bastard! I didn't even _see_ you yesterday!"

"…So?"

"I know you missed me!"

"Why would I _miss_ you? I just saw you the day before."

"24 whole hours without _me_. What _else_ could you have done?"

"…Yeah. Because I absolutely _need_ to think about _you_ every time I take a breath of _air_."

"I'm glad you finally brought that out in the open, Sasuke-kun. Isn't it nice to have gotten that off your chest?"

"…What have you done to Sakura, you _spiteful_ fan girl?"

"You're talking crazy, Sasuke-kun. Now let's order some pancakes!"

(turns to chef. orders buttermilk pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream.)

"And you Sasuke? …Or should I assume tomato-filling?"

"You're insane."

(turns again)

"Can you squirt some ketchup on that please? Oh, no. No relish. Just the ketchup. Thanks."-

"Here you go! Ketchup spread just like you wanted!"

"…I'm not eating that."

"…And that is perfectly okay because I am willing to feed you!"

"_Sakura_."

"Yes?"

"Shut _up_."

"Only if you say 'ah.'"

"No."

"C'mon, Sasuke-kun. They're strawberries! I know how much you love strawberries!"

"I _never_ said that. _Idiot_."

"You said you liked my shampoo the other day. That was _strawberry_."

"The _hell_? I _never_ said that!"

(glare) "_Fine_, then. …Geez, _all_ you had to say was 'I REALLY don't like strawberries, Sakura."

"…I _really_ don't like strawberries Sakura-AHMPH."

(forces pancake with strawberry and whipped cream down his throat)

(grin) "Now chew. Swallow! Very good, Sasuke-kun! I'm so proud of you! Congratulatory kiss?"

(COUGH) "You almost choked me!"

"But it was good, wasn't it?"

"_No_!"

"Your turn to feed me, Sasuke-kun."

"HELL no."

"Hmph. Fine then. No more for you!"

"Did you _not_ hear me say I _didn't_ want anymore of that crap?"

"The rest is _mine_!"

"Obviously not."

(Someone new walks in.)

"Ah! Sakura-sama!"

"Oh, Good Morning Keitaro-san!"

(blush) "…Good Morning to you too, Sakura-sama."

"See? He _replies_ when I say Good Morning!"

"Tch. Whatever."

(glare)

"Oh! What was it that you needed Keitaro-san?"

"It's Tsunade-sama. She needs you as soon as you're available!"

"Okay. That'll be soon. I'm just finishing my breakfast."

"Ok, then. I'll wait for you."

"See _that_, Sasuke-kun? It's a little thing called common courtesy!"

"Shut _up_, Sakura."

(knuckles crack)

"Sakura-sama? …Is this guy giving you trouble?"

"…What?"

"…_What_?"

"He's treating you with such little respect, Sakura-sama. How can you so casually converse with him?"

"…Huh?"

"…_What_?"

"_Him_. He's been insulting you since this morning, Sakura-sama! And as your lov—_friend_ I just want to make sure that you're not…hurt."

"…Excuse me?"

"…_What_?"

"…How 'bout if I make it up to you? Would you like to…I dunno, maybe come to dinner with me tonight? I know this nice place…"

"…Are you asking me out…on a date?"

"…_What_ the F--K?"

(punch) "Shut up, Sasuke-kun!"

"…Yes?"

"Hey. You. What the _hell_ does it look like we're doing now?"

"…Fighting."

"Idiot."

"SO sorry, Keitaro-san. Uh…this is Uchiha Sasuke. My boyfriend."

"Your…_boyfriend_?"

"Yeah. We're _kinda_ on a date."

(smirk)

"…What the hell? H-he doesn't treat you like his girlfriend!"

"And how would _you_ know, idiot?"

"…By the way you two act, maybe?"

"That's just Sasuke-kun. He's _emo_—I MEAN, always _carefully_ contemplating the value of life. …Still, I'm trying to work a wider array of emotions into his system."

"I have emot--!"

"I meant besides anger and depression, Sasuke-kun."

"…"

"Oh, and here!"

(holds out ring finger)

"Sasuke-kun just gave me this promise ring the other day."

"It's not a _promise_ ring."

(blink, blink) "…It says: 'Future Dwelling of Uchiha Offspring."

"I know! Isn't it sweet?"

"I Don't. Do. _Sweet_, Sakura."

"I mean, absolutely _amiable_, of him."

"Sakura-sama…"

"I suggest you leave. Unless you'd like a helping of chidori up your ass."

"Sasuke-kun!"

"…Er. See you at the office, Sakura-sama!"

(guy scurries off at a speed unknown even to ninja)

"That guy was an idiot."

"Oh, Sasuke-kun."

(She hugs him.)

"You know I wouldn't have you any other way, Mr. I-Don't-Really-Get-Out-Much."

"Hn…"

"…And _see_! You might not have _verbally _said you liked my shampoo but you're always taking such long whiffs of it!"

"It's your imagination."

"Then I must have a pretty vivid imagination. Or did I _not_ just feel you blow against my ear?"

"Hm. Don't you have to go to the Godaime or something?"

"Aw. Trying to get rid of me so quickly, Sasuke-kun?"

"Yes."

"Jerk. I'm not leaving without a kiss goodbye."

"No."

"If I shout out to the people near here, will that eliminate your shyness of PDA?"

"_Sakura_!"

(looks to random passersby)

"HELLO, RANDOM CITIZENS OF KONOHA! GUESS WHAT?"

"Shut _up_, Sakura!"

"THIS IS SASUKE-KUN. MY BOYFRIEND OF FIVE MONTHS!"

"Awwwww."

"_Shoot me. Somebody kunai me to death. Right now_."

"THOUGH WE MAY NOT SEEM IT, WE ARE EXTREMELY HAPPY TOGETHER."

"_DAMN it_. Where the _hell's_ Itachi when you _need_ him?"

"WHY JUST THE OTHER NIGHT…"

(blush) "…_SAKURA_! JUST _SHUT_ UP."

(wink) "Make me!"

"HE WENT TO MY HOUSE AND WE—"

(he kisses her roughly, effectively shutting her up and making her feel all tingly inside.)

And as they pull apart, the random citizens at the pancake stand are amused…

…but at the same time so utterly, _utterly_ baffled.

End

XxX 

**A/N: Ta-dah. Witness the product of my imagination plus sugar plus coffee plus rainbows plus lack of sleep plus monkeys plus daisies plus candy plus pompoms plus kunais plus chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiibbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssss—**

**Shutting up now.**

**Review!**


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